Let me introduce you to someone. This is Lirette. She is my daughter. Almost twenty years ago, an indiscretion brought her to life. Details are not required. Suffice to say that Lirette was born approximately nine months later. Although I had strong suspicions as to just who her father was, I was rebuffed by her mother and assured that she was not a result of our indescretion. As time went by, I was taking part in raising my two sons, John and Pierce. Pierce and Lirette were one month apart in age. Since we were all friends, there were many instances where the two children were close to each other. I didn't have to look hard to see the close resemblence between them. Although I asked her mother, (Mom L) many times if she was sure that I was not Lirette's father, the answer was always the same.
During the course of time, the boys' mother, (let's say Wife A), and I divorced. It was a bloody and horrific process that left indelible stains on the lives of us all. To this day, she hates and despises me for a myriad of real and perceived wrongs done during the divorce process and the years since. I am convinced there is no forgiveness now, or ever, in her heart for me.
My second marriage, (Wife B), made it even worse. I was married to someone who lived on the border of stability. She was volitile in everything she did and was prone to displays of temper and emotion that would eventually cause friends and family to shy away from our company. Although I did care greatly for her, I was unable to see a way out for myself. I had made a promise to myself that this union just could not fail. You see, I considered myself a failure for being unable to continue in my first marriage for reasons I won't address here, as that is an entirely different story.
To sum it up at this point, Wife A despised Wife B; Not an unusual circustance in nasty divorces. Wife A thought Wife B was the sole reason for the divorce. Unfortunately, she was wrong. Wife B only gave me the courage to take the steps needed to remove myself from the situation. The horrible thing about it all was that the boys had to suffer through it all. The biggest regret that I have in my entire life is that my boys had to live that situation. I am convinced that the purgatory that is my life at present is a result of my inability to place myself in the eyes of my sons and see what they went through. But that belongs to me...
We now return to Lirette. Wife A had been friends with Mom L since before we were married. Mom L had been friends with me before Wife A was in the picture at all. After the initial separation, Mom L saw me with, who was to become, Wife B and decided that I was a rat bastard and stopped talking to me. After that point, there was no more contact with Mom L, save a chance meeting in the grocery store where I appealed to her for reconciliation. We had been friends for a very long time and I did miss her counsel and company. Lirette was with her and I found myself hard pressed to conceal my elation at seeing her and how much she resembled Pierce. We parted with smiles and I thought that we could be friends again.
The size of the fool that I had become was demonstrated upon receipt of a phone call from Wife A. She informed me that she had spoken to Mom L and was to inform me, basically, that it would be a cold day in Hell before we would ever be friends again, and laughed at me for my lame attempt. Well, kick me in the balls, Sister...
Back in the world again, what we'll call a "disorder" had begun to take over my personality. The stress of the divorce; he stress of the new fiance and wife; the stress of life placed me in a facility that cared for those individuals who did not have the tools to meet the world every day.
INTERMISSION
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