leopards - pt. 8 (everybody's got something to hide except me and my lackey...)

great Beatles songs have great titles. that's where the title of this post was culled from. seems that everyone really does have something to hide. what it is and the severity of it or the chance of severe consequences all lies on their pillow at night. we all live with our past actions. the one sure thing in life is that we will all face death. will we each be able to stand and deliver at the highwayman's beck and call?

crazy segue, here i go.  we anxiously awaiting the results of the home DNA test kit that was completed and sent in to the company. the day finally came where the results were to be posted. when i read the results, i was quite overjoyed. even though i knew what they were going to be, i still felt good about it. the comparisons were 15 out of 15 with 99.999991560295% of the entire caucasian-american population being excluded from probability. it was 99.999992753473% probability that i was her daddy. most cool. i officially had a daughter cause you couldn't get any closer than that!

so "what now?" you ask. how do i go forward in my life.what is good and what is bad? the question of the ages. i know that if i check my list, there's a pretty big part filled with good people; family and friends who are irreplaceable in my life. Mom and Dad, Matt and Brigitte, Johnny, (who is himself a separate post) and Allison; my dearest Karen and her brood - Alyson, Kat & Michell; and my best and closest friends whose counsel and support have helped me through crisis after crisis and are still keeping me close. Woody and "Ol' Dawg" Woody Sr., Mairi, Shawn and Fallon and Frank; and don't forget the friends in paintball... team mates in the Hired Gunz that are always ready to help if needed; Steve, Butch, Ramzi, Mike H, and the others who have been there.

  

the drama is gone, for the moment. 2008 has been an amazing year. and we're only at the halfway point. i lost a son and a friend and a huge part of my heart. i discovered a daughter and hope i can be a father for her. i've endured such an incredible amount of deep down pain, that there were more than several times it was good that I was running low on certain prescriptions. i've asked God "Why?" so many times that i'm surprised that he hasn't tossed a lightning bolt at me just to shut me up. i've asked family and friends "Why?" so much, i'm surprised that they didn't toss a toaster in the bathtub (or shower) just to shut me up.

we have the task of watching the fate of a young man who chose a life that ultimately led him to play a large part in the extinguishing of another life that was so important to us. i am incapable of being distracted from this situation. i am unable to fill the void in my heart. i can't imagine how his parents feel. of course, i take it for granted that his parents feel anything in the first place. or should i say care. i hope they did. i hope that they did everything they could to prevent their son from taking the track that he has. because if they didn't, they will be as deserving as he is of punishment for his sins. from what i've been told, i think they do care. and i think that they also have asked God, more than once, the same "Why?" that i have. but their suffering goes on and on. In the likely event that their son ends up in prison, their "Why?" will become a mantra as it has become in my world.

so the world goes on. we all live life. we have to. the only other choice is to die. and i'm not quite ready, yet. there's too much to stick around for. until then, though...

to Pierce - with love, forever - Dad

leopards - pt. 7 (enter at your leisure...)

OR - ATTACK AT THE PYRAMID...

well, well, well... at this particular time, we've learned a great deal about "everything and all". the suspense has been building as we wait for more info to come rolling in.

thankfully, the $100 do-it-yourself, handy-dandy, DNA testing kit had arrived at my house, finally... it has a hodgepodge of instuctional information, along with wooden stick swabs and packets to identify and seal the samples for analysis. it was a fairly easy thing to conduct and i saw no reason why we couldn't take care of it quick and easy.

i contacted 'Rette and we made arrangements to meet on a wednesday, i think. it was my day off. well, it was actually both of our days off. or better stated, "off days". she slept really late and by the time she was up and around, i had a paranoia and anxiety attack that just exploded in my face. i couldn't work up the nerve to step out of the door. i called her and told her that it was a washout. she said she was ok with it, but i knew better. i know that at some level she was disappointed. Hell, I was disappointed!

the next possible day we could meet was sunday. i was bound and determined to make it work. Karen was ready to accompany me on the trek to the southshore. we loaded up and took to the road.

i spoke with Lirette and coordinated times. we were going to her home. she told me that Mom L was going to take a ride or something to give us some time to do what we needed. we arrived at the home and noted that it was very nice. memory glands were triggered as i saw the house across the street and remembered that i had once lived there in another life.

we approached the door and Lirette opened it to greet us. she was so beautiful that i found it difficult not to stare at her. i find myself disbelieving that i was part of bringing her into the world. she had me right there, hook, line and sinker. but i could also see the boys in her appearance, too. as we walked up the stairs to the main floor, i unexpectedly saw Mom L standing in the kitchen at the island. i looked for a reaction from Karen, but couldn't pick one up, so we continued up.

pleasant introductions ensued and were completed quickly. Mom L immediately asked for the retrieval code number for the DNA testing online results. without thinking, i just gave her the paper with the code on it. i don't know why, but i began to get irritated with myself for doing that. i was the one that shelled out the hundred bucks for the test. the results should come through me. i found the action boorish and intrusive. in the spirit of cooperation, i said nothing more. after all, this whole thing was for Lirette and i.

as i started to bring out all of the materials for the test, Mom L started into the line of inheritance again. i shrunk away from it and concetrated on getting things prepared for the test. Karen gave me a squeeze on the leg and i honestly can't remember a word of what i said.

then came a bigger surprise. one of Mom L's friends, let's call him Leisure Suit Larry, came into the room. i had met him once, a long time ago, the circumstances i'll leave to the wind. he came to the kitchen and injected himself into the conversation. he actually asked about my mother & father's house and whether or not the mortgage was paid off! now i went into complete freak out mode and was determined to get things done and get the Hell out! Karen could sense the same and we took care of the test as fast as possible. it took near fifteen minutes to complete things before we could go. when it was finished, we did the vamoose dance as graciously as we could.

i believe that this whole performance was in very poor taste and hurt Lirette more than anyone. i'm used to being shit on. she was robbed of time that she could have spent with me. being on strange turf and confronted by what might as well have been strangers concerning information that had nothing to do with the situation at hand and was certainly none of their business, i was worried about the whole thing. why the intrusive questions? why couldn't Lirette and I build our own relationship without interference from outsiders? Lirette, at nineteen, should be able to have some degree of freedom and privacy. i was being judged by Wife A, from who i'd been divorced from for many years; and by Mom L, who remains an enigma to me as to her behavior concerning this. who knows? Hell, Wife A is making a sport out of informing people that i am some kind of malicious degenerate... conspiring to steal my daughters trust fund? what incredible nerve they both have accusing me of something like that. i've done nothing to warrant that attack.

the crazy thing is that I don't/didn't/haven't wish/wished any ill will or harm to either of them. i just wish they'd let me live my life and leave me alone.  what can i do but roll with the punches...

the results are due in ten days. come back and see what they are... thanks for reading...

we interrupt this program for an important announcement...

take a really good look at this individual. Shanon Frank is his name. i don't know for certain, but i have heard that he is a street junkie; a scum bag; a petty thief who steals to support a heroin habit; a petty low level dealer who deals to support his habit. hell, he might even be a male prostitute in the more seedy and gay areas of the French Quarter just to support his love for chasing the dragon.

while he MAY be all of this, there is one thing he definitely IS... and that's in jail. actually, he's been in jail since around April. you see, he had already been arrested for possession of heroin and cocaine. he had to attend pretrial drug court and was required to take a drug test to see if he'd been a good little boy. did he pass the test?

alright, we're back on Drug Family Feud! so did he pass? let's ask the families! Dumass family, what's your answer? uh... uh... ok, Richard. we're gonna say YES! alright, Dumass family. if we see YES, you're gonna take home the money AND the convict! can we see YES!?! BOMP! Awwwwww, no YES so you didn't win the cash. can the board show us what's there! survey said, NO! aww! he was too stupid to stay clean long enough to stay out of jail.

there is an article in the Times Picayune for July 2, 2008 that tells of Frank allegedly selling the heroin to a friend of Pierce. this crap was responsible for killing him. the heroin, that is. although i personally can't see the difference between one crap and anotheer.

Here's a link to the piece... "Overdose at Hotel Leads To Arrest" by Laura Maggi

and in a fantastic breakthrough, i was contacted yesterday by Assistant US Attorney, Jay Quinlan. thorough apologies were given for the delay in involving me in the investigative process up to that point. he also informed me of all of the information that he could concerning what was happening, (which was a great deal). i have great expecations and am confident Mr. Quinlan will do his job with passion.

it is unfortunate that i was not informed of the Magistrate proceedings so i could have looked mr. frank in the eye. i guess that was reserved for "in the know' special people...

leopards - pt. 6 (une nuit a Paris...)

You've heard me heavy breathing on the telephone
My word they say that I'm belongin'
In a home for crazy people
But you know I don't belong there
I was an orphan and I couldn't help it
I'd been in and out of trouble
Ever since they left me
In a basket on the freeway*

wow. the sixth installment of  "as the leopard spots". i wasn't sure that i would get to this point without drawing it out another three or four episodes. but i have throroughly enjoyed writing it. i have been suffering with sort of a writers block since the beginning of the year. the spectre of Pierce's passing and an unusual amount of stressful baloney had rendered me unable to place words where i wanted. but there i go again, off on a tear. its time to get back to the main subject of this post.

disclaimer: over the last couple of years, i have developed a tendency to have crappy short term memory. if i misstate something here, or put it out of sequence, or whatever, keep that in mind... alcohol and drugs - neither on my plate anymore, coupled with being mental can take a toll on that mush in your skull, i must say...

when we last parted, i had just discovered that Lirette had been told that there was a stong possibility that i was her natural father. i was blown away! even though the suspiscions were there for over nineteen years, i was not prepared for this. the questions, answers and "what in the world?"s were popping up in my head as fast as i could think.

we started to communicate again, through myspace. she had questions, as did i. it seems that near to a year and a half ago, after the father she knew had passed, Mom L came to her. she was kind enough to tell her daughter that the man she knew as her father... well, suffice to say that there's a more than a good chance that he was not the bona fide pater puella. not being priivy to the conversation, i would have imagined that she was fairly upset and confused upon hearing this bit of trivia. it seems that i was the father of question.

my memory can be very inadequate when trying to recall phone conversations and such. to my best recollection, she spent some time trying to find me and the boys on the internet and around. She never could quite make the hookups for one reason or another. and i remained oblivious to the nature of it all.

back to where we were...post-Pierce. i had discovered that Lirette knew that the possibility was there. So we again began to talk. by internet and by text.

i was trying to figure out how i was going to break the news to Johnny and my parents. that tended to take care of itself, though. i had stopped by my parents' to pick something up on the way home from Gunfighter. i got what i needed and was leaving, when my brother, Matt, came running up to the car. He proceeded to tell me that i had better talk to Johnny. "Why, is something wrong?", i asked. he said that Lirette had talked to Johnny and told him of the chance that they were brother and sister. ok. not on my time clock, but it wasn't a wash out.

being happy about her newfound relatives, Lirette had posted an entry on myspace that made some comments about Pierce and Johnny and their familiar relationship. i was torn between cooling any of her enthusiasm over "finding" us, but was trying to be cautious for all parties involved, lest someone overreact in a way that would cause me to lose my relative cool... pun intended.

i contacted Johnny and asked him about it. he was torn between "attaboy" and "aw, shit". i could understand it. after all, he was going to have to face his mother when the news reached her. and that in itself could be a harrowing experience. he reiterated that thought and i agreed that we must be discreet.  i thought it prudent to contact Lirette and restate my fears. he would let her know about the post.

in addition, i had no idea what the state of her deceased father's family was or her relationship with them. in no way, shape or form did i want them hurt of embarassed. we agreed to that. it would be difficult enough to explain to the people that had to be told.

Johnny and Karen also thought that it would be in everyone's best interest to submit to DNA testing to determine the validity of the claims being made. i agreed, but i knew better. i was her father, of that i was quite sure, so i ordered a DNA test kit and waited for its arrival. when it came, i checked it out and decided that it would work. so i started to make the arrangements to meet with Lirette to get the swabs we needed to submit.

it was a Friday evening when the phone call came. Karen was not home, so i had no support group in the wings. the call was from Mom L. i explained that i was getting the paternity test very soon. she was uninterested in that. she wanted to ask me what my "intentions" were concerning Lirette. huh? intentions? laws, laws, Tom; m-o-o-n, that spells trouble. i hadn't even met my daughter yet, (in modern times), and here i was being asked what my intentions were.

first off, i really didn't understand the question, and told her that. she asked about what Lirette's place would be in my family line of inheritance. wow. now i was starting to get creeped out. not to mention, a bit angry at the question. i told her that i really hadn't thought of that either, since this just came about. she then told me that there were "legal ramifications" to Lirette. now i was really freaking out. what in Soul Coughings name is she talking about? then, out of the blue, she started hammering me with rhetoric about how horribly i treated my boys in the time right after their mother and i separated and what a terrible person I was. hmmm. something was starting to smell funny and i thought i knew where, or what wife's bottle it came from.

the "discussion" degenerated into an old fashioned haymaker arguement. flashbacks from my first marriage and divorce were appearing on the screen and it did not feel good. the only question i could ask that made any sense was, "Mom L... if i am such a rotten, no good son-of-a-bitch, then why the Hell did you tell Lirette about me in the first place?" why not just let her live with the beliefs that she was raised with? more yelling... more crap... me getting dangerously angry. Karen walks in. phone hangs up. i'm saved. Karen is my GREAT hero. without her, i would be cannon fodder...

my counselor advises me to eliminate discussions with Mom L or Wife A. they are counter-productive and only end with me grasping for the ativan. i decided that this was prudent advice and that all communications would be with Lirette.

i was really quite befuddled as to why Wife A was involved. i mean, conventional wisdom would say, "GUY creates LIFE with ONE. twenty years later, ONE tells LIFE real deal. LIFE happy and wants to meet GUY. ONE goes to Wife A and tells her the story of LIFE. according to them, GUY is evil monster who is at the root of all the worlds evil. his plans are already in place to steal all trust funds and jewelery and money that LIFE has. GUY ponders and says trust funds?  money? why is everyone mad at me? Wife A should consider that it took GUY plus ONE to make LIFE. how can it be all GUY fault? and above all, what business does she have piddling in this? she not mama. we not married any more. why does she talk bad to everyone? she should be happy for Johnny who gets a new sister. it is funny world we live in...

NEXT: AMBUSH AT THE PYRAMID

*Iceberg - The Original Soundtrack - 10cc - 1975