crazy segue, here i go. we anxiously awaiting the results of the home DNA test kit that was completed and sent in to the company. the day finally came where the results were to be posted. when i read the results, i was quite overjoyed. even though i knew what they were going to be, i still felt good about it. the comparisons were 15 out of 15 with 99.999991560295% of the entire caucasian-american population being excluded from probability. it was 99.999992753473% probability that i was her daddy. most cool. i officially had a daughter cause you couldn't get any closer than that!
so "what now?" you ask. how do i go forward in my life.what is good and what is bad? the question of the ages. i know that if i check my list, there's a pretty big part filled with good people; family and friends who are irreplaceable in my life. Mom and Dad, Matt and Brigitte, Johnny, (who is himself a separate post) and Allison; my dearest Karen and her brood - Alyson, Kat & Michell; and my best and closest friends whose counsel and support have helped me through crisis after crisis and are still keeping me close. Woody and "Ol' Dawg" Woody Sr., Mairi, Shawn and Fallon and Frank; and don't forget the friends in paintball... team mates in the Hired Gunz that are always ready to help if needed; Steve, Butch, Ramzi, Mike H, and the others who have been there.
the drama is gone, for the moment. 2008 has been an amazing year. and we're only at the halfway point. i lost a son and a friend and a huge part of my heart. i discovered a daughter and hope i can be a father for her. i've endured such an incredible amount of deep down pain, that there were more than several times it was good that I was running low on certain prescriptions. i've asked God "Why?" so many times that i'm surprised that he hasn't tossed a lightning bolt at me just to shut me up. i've asked family and friends "Why?" so much, i'm surprised that they didn't toss a toaster in the bathtub (or shower) just to shut me up. 
we have the task of watching the fate of a young man who chose a life that ultimately led him to play a large part in the extinguishing of another life that was so important to us. i am incapable of being distracted from this situation. i am unable to fill the void in my heart. i can't imagine how his parents feel. of course, i take it for granted that his parents feel anything in the first place. or should i say care. i hope they did. i hope that they did everything they could to prevent their son from taking the track that he has. because if they didn't, they will be as deserving as he is of punishment for his sins. from what i've been told, i think they do care. and i think that they also have asked God, more than once, the same "Why?" that i have. but their suffering goes on and on. In the likely event that their son ends up in prison, their "Why?" will become a mantra as it has become in my world. 
so the world goes on. we all live life. we have to. the only other choice is to die. and i'm not quite ready, yet. there's too much to stick around for. until then, though...
to Pierce - with love, forever - Dad
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