She's a talented girl; She's got her head down tight...

With the week comes the day that strikes fear in the heart of every turkey in the United States. Well, not every turkey. Old bastards like the one shown at right are hiding their asses out deep in the forest. They are thumbing their combs at hunters who furtively don ultra-camo and use squeak box calles that are supposed to sound like a Miss Turkey giving her holler for fun. More like Miss-take.

Now at the turkey farms where the turkeys that are bred and live for the sole purpose of propping their asses in the middle of a family table for our celebratory Thanksgiving dinner. Hell, some may even get lucky and end up packed in styrofoam and delivered to some poor shut in as part of the local charity "Meals on Wheels". God bless them, for they give their lives to sustain the life of a higher being. Ya. Sometimes I wonder who the higher being is.

Enough about turkey. Let's talk about Pilgrims and Indians. They were both present at the first Thanksgiving. Let's do a quick study. We'll start by looking at a Pilgrim... Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. John Wayne. Now if he isn't the best example of a Pilgrim you've ever seen? Everyone reading this just HAS to be able to conjur up the mental picture of the Duke letting off a hearty, "Well, Pilgrim, it's about time we got along with them dogies! Hop Sing! Where's Mrs. McClintock? Well, find her now and tell her that her husband wants to see her! Chop-Chop!" Off runs the Chinaman to find an irate Maureen O'Hara in her Kelly green, looks-like-a-drapery, dress. Of course she's perusing the fabric at Smythe's General Store and Dry Goods and is supremely ticked off because of her lummox of a husband dared to summon her. She storms off to meet Wayne/McClintock; stumbles in the middle of a fight and ends up falling down the wash with Dukey, both of them covered in mud. Seems to me there was a customary toss over the shoulder, slap on the bottom, and walk to the bedroom. Well, Pilgrim, just what did you expect from Mr. Wayne?

Now we come to the guys who have worn many hats over the years since we came to these shores. Native Americans, Indians, Injuns whatever! They were here first and were quite right to be worried about our pale faces landing here. But instead, the story was made up about hoofy-hoofy Thanksgiving. Awwww. We all came together and made snoo-snoo and ate turkey and baked apples and they didn't slit everyones throat. But you can believe that our forefathers were eyeing up our native brothers and looking for an angle in which they could gain some kind of edge in this new world the landed on. Bottom line is that we were semi-civilized and came from a land with mud streets and plagues and unchilled meat. No refrigerators and no Gatorade; religious persecution and people who, although they came to a new world to escape religious persecution, would be more than happy to hammer the cross of their redeemer right in the forehead of these red skinned heathens. This would be necessary to prove God's point. Unfortunately, God had told the Native Americans a different story.

MORE TO COME...