i hate it when i can't find the words

I hate it when I can't find the words to describe how I feel. I hate it when I cannot express myself without getting angry. I hate it when that anger is based on my inability to control my emotions. I loathe having my heart fall from my chest and hit the ground like a child tossing a water balloon. The most helpless feeling in the world is lack of trust. Why are there emotions and who and the Hell invented them? God? What a cruel display for a loving creator. Emotions are the root of all things evil. It's as though we live in the movie, "Seven". The Seven Deadly Sins are merely the excess product of human emotion. And at the root of it all lies love and anger. I hate myself when my anger consumes me and I can't bring it under control. I hate my anger when I can't control it long enough to realize that I am only making a situation worse. No matter who is at the center of it.

Is there anyone capable of controlling free will? That's also what fills emotions. I believe it's just how God and his Angels, not only test us, but create their amusement. Toss a bit of anger at the human monkey and see how he reacts. If he stands tall and handles his test with aplomb, then they leave him with a gold star in the Book of St. Peter. But just let him screw it up and they throw a couple of curve balls in there. The target of his anger turns round and pitches a pot full of teasing at him. Does he handle it well or does it make his blood boil and spew more anger from his heart? What's a man to do?