i am not there, i did not die...

Something that says a great deal about Pierce is the eulogy that I composed for his services. How I ever got through it, I'll never know. He had to be there giving me courage & strength to go through it without breaking down.

No parent ever expects to deliver a eulogy at one of their children’s services; especially a child taken so quickly and at such a young age. The deep seated pain and sense of unfathomable loss is something unnatural and foreign to humans. As it has been said over and over again, “no parent should have to bury his child”.

When Pierce came into the world, I knew he would achieve things that I could never do. Even as a toddler, some of his serious nature was apparent. He refused to sleep in his crib and ended up between his Mom and me most every night. But he wasn’t alone in that department, as big brother was good at the same thing. As he grew older, he would start out in his bed, but at some point in the night I would hear the unmistakable rustle of his diaper and his little feet running as he hit our bed and whispered, “Wanna come lay with you”. Of course, he climbed up and settled in, closing his eyes and drifting off with a smile on his face.

We bore his pain in more than one occasion. From high fevers of unknown origin, to spinal taps to the accident when his Uncle Mark visited from New Orleans; I will never forget his run down the hallway to tell everyone dinner was ready. As he reached the tile in the foyer, he slipped and struck his eyebrow on the window ledge. After a trip to the Emergency Room, some stitches and a broken Papoose board, we returned home with our little guy to brother Johnny waiting at the door. It was the kind of pain that, as parents, we expected to bear. To take away as much of that hurt as we could.

No brothers could have been closer. From Ghostbusters to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, they shared their fantasies and played their games. This degree of closeness would serve them through their childhood, adolescent and young adult years. Unfortunately, as happens in many families, jobs, lives & separations took place and they ended up with dual households and new strangers in the parental roles they were familiar with.

The years went by quickly for me. I moved to the Northshore. Pierce and Johnny visited as they could. I did what I could to remain a fixture in their lives. But my own poor choices betrayed me and all but estranged my relationship with Johnny, who was attending my alma mater, Archbishop Rummel. Through all of the difficulties, Pierce could look through my defects and see that I was still his father and that he would always cherish that. Our time was ours.

Then, as if it were an answer to a prayer, Pierce discovered an unconventional sport that gave us a common ground. That sport was paintball. It enabled us to spend weekends together in the outdoors. We met people who we have developed solid, lasting friendships with. We learned how to operate a field and referee games. Had it not been for Pierce, I would have never met my closest friend, Woody. AND, have my hangout paintball shop and game company. Without Pierce, I would have none of that. Sadly, though I never ended a phone call or visit without saying “I love you” and delivering a big hug, I don’t think I was able to tell him just how much he meant in the overall picture. I failed to have the foresight for tragedy.

He was a capable Game Director, Head Referee, Role Player, Artist and all around great player. With a smile on his face, Pierce and Ramzi, Travis or Blake could be seen with a sideward grin when planning the next goof on some unsuspecting staff member. He could take a forty page game script and within five minutes have it laid out and ready for “Game On!” If you walk into the Gunfighter Pro Shop, look two places. The stripes that go around the walls – his handiwork. And the pinkish-red stain near the front wall – where he spilled paint on the carpet! (Note: The shop was moved in August 2009. Since Pierce couldn't be there to duplicate the stripe, it was decided that the stripe would remain, in it's only part... on the cork bulletin board that he insisted we paint across when we originated the design. If you enter the new shop, check it out. Red & yellow - you can't miss it...)

And in another answered prayer, someone else who I was scared that was gone from my life returned for the same thing with the assistance of Pierce... Big brother, Johnny. I think that was what I was most grateful for. Johnny has picked up almost all of the skills that his brother performed and can do it well, including his relationship with his Dad. And I thank God we have grown closer than ever in our lives, for we shall need each other to survive through the repercussions of this event.

Honor student at LSU. All-around paintball “great”. Liked and loved by everyone he came close to. Touching so many lives and having so much ambition and potential. What will we do without you, my precious, precious, son? We will never forget your enthusiasm, your verve, your sense of perfection, your love for all things Ralph Lauren Polo, your loving heart, your bright smile, and who could forget your lightning fast trigger finger. I will never forget ANYTHING about you, my son; for you are a part of me and will ALWAYS be a piece of my heart until I am lucky enough to join you in Heaven when my time comes.

I love you, Pierce.

When I am dead, my dearest, Sing no sad songs for me;
Plant though no roses at my head, Nor shady cypress tree;
Be the green grass above me.

With showers and dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember, And if thou wilt, forget.
I shall not see the shadows, I shall not feel the rain;

I shall not hear the nightingale, sing on as if in pain.
And dreaming through the twilight,

that doth not rise or set;

Haply I may remember, And haply may forget.

Christina Georgina Rossetti (1830-1894)