Observations, Opinions, Rants & Info concerning life in general and the world around us...
random thoughts and inner words...
This blog is my creation. It is my own words and a lot of words from music that has influenced my feelings and actions. Music has the ability to make you happy or make you cry; sob or be racked with tears. Take time to listen to the world around you and the music that comes from it. Not all music is heard; some is read from the pages of books. It's up to you to hear the notes... Thank you for reading...
So you wait and you wait but the signal don't change
Watching TV daily there is no sign
You read your horoscope
But ahh, it would appear there is no hope
So what?
Who cares?
Gotta put a handle
on your fear
A man comes
And a man goes
And he always leaves alone
Only the strong survive
You better wake up from that fantasy
It's time to open your eyes
Don't be afraid to see what you might see
The years roll by and the boy feels cheated
He fights back hard, his youth's retreated
He lets his hair grow, gets a sports car
But he knows that won't go so far
It's too bad
It's real sad
You lost the best thing
You ever had
You had some hope
And you had the youth
But now you'll never
know the truth
Only the strong survive
You better wake up from that fantasy
I think it's time to open your eyes
Don't be afraid to see what you might see
Only the strong survive
Don't ever let it get you down
Oh, I can't sympathize
If you expect to stick around
So what?
Who cares?
Better put a handle
On your fear
A man comes
And a man goes
And he always leaves alone
Only the strong survive
You better wake up from that fantasy
I think it's time you opened your eyes
Don't be afraid to see what you might see
Only the strong survive
Don't ever let it get you down
I think it's time to open your eyes
If you expect to stick around
Only the strong survive
You better wake up from that fantasy
I think it's time that you opened your eyes
Don't be afraid to see what you might see
As John Lennon wrote, "And so this is Christmas"... And that it is. Why have we allowed the birth of the Christ child to become another commercial excuse for everyone to judge everyone else on what material goods they have? Those that have plenty of money to spend worry most about getting the exact thing that whoever they're giving to desires. Those that have little or nothing, worry about how they will be perceived or whether or not they'll be able to nudge a month's bill to the next so that they can try and do a little something for those closest to them. Some wish for things that are entirely impossible to gain. Some cradle their broken hearts and wish the season over because of the pain it brings. Some say, "Damn it all to Hell", and silently endure the pain of the season at hand. They wander through the pain with their personal misery held close to their breast and pray to God that it all ends soon so their life can go back to it's quiet normalcy. That is who I truly wish I could help. I wish that because I know how that person feels. I know the pain that can't be taken away and I know that there is one good thing that Christmas does bring about for those people. It is the closeness of family and friends that honestly care and don't care about gifts or shopping or figgy fucking pudding. Look over your family and friends for this individual who shields his or her heart. They are the ones that need you more than anyone else. And they are the ones that will share their heart with you. Have a wonderful day with your families and friends. Remember our fighting men and women who are on foreign soil and are unable to be with us. Remember the policemen and firefighters who are away from their families to protect all of us. And remember what this day truly stands for. To my friends and family, I love you all...
What a fantastic blues line... Got to try a little tenderness. I'm feeling sad because I see that in the turning of the world we've lost three people who were loved deeply by their families and friends. We said goodbye to "Aunt Louise", to Rob Schulte's sister and to the greatest hurricane expert that ever lived, Mr. Nash Roberts.
So there comes a time over the course of a day where I want to dig the eyeball out of my skull. Shocking, isn't it? It shouldn't be. Covered with a patch all day, it gets no fresh air and it gets pissed. Then it starts to itch, sting and hurt like there is an eyelash irritating the surface.
All this frustration I can't meet all my desires Strange conversation Self-control has just expired All an illusion Only in my head you don't exist Who are you fooling Don't need a shrink but an exorcist
Show me the movie Of who you are and where you're from Born of frustration Caught up in the webs you've spun Where's the confusion A vision of what life is like Show me the movie That doesn't deal in black and white
Stop stop talking about who's to blame When all that counts is how to change Stop stop talking about who's to blame When all that counts is how to change
All this frustration All this frustration Who put brown owl eyes on a butterfly's wings All this frustration All this frustration Who gave the leopards spots and taught the birds to sing?
Good evening, Ladies, Gentlemen & all ships at sea. What a revelation! What an incredible breakthrough! When I decided to take legal action against the mighty State Farm ("with 40 MILLION policyholders - more than GEICO and Progressive combined" -oh yeah who gives a flying fart?) I hired an old friend and attorney to take care of business. I thought I was in good shape with him doing the stomping. Well, K lost her meal ticket and things got tricky, pronto. I called my barrister and mentioned something we'd spoken about concerning an advance of legal awards to help me pay the bills. He wasn't set up for it, but assured me he would get me to someone who could.
Jump forward to the NEW guy. I was better lying off in the bed at LA Heart Hospital hallucinating over Dr. No and Pussy Galore's Flying Circus. NO COMMUNICATION! WEEKS ago, I met with his assistant and signed the contract where, I might add, the 40%-50% split was distinguished over all. I've asked several times about the advance, only to meet a solid wall. I've never spoken to him and am hanging in the breeze. And attorneys wonder why they are a pariah race of joked about and disrespected puzzle solvers that are perceived as thieves and charlatans. What the Hell!?
It seems like forever since I've been able to write on this page. It is definitely difficult to do because of my eyes. It appears that things are spiraling out of control and I have no way to stop them from happening. First it was one disease; now it's another. When is it ever going to make up it's mind and just turn me loose? I'm so tired of being in it's grip...
So I enter the most complicated, exhilarating and terrifying week of my entire life. Infusion and my friends, the catheter and needles, start the week out with a "stick". What a great Monday...
Tuesday brings me to the first post-op checkup with Dr. Palo. I get to see just how much my shoulder has healed and more importantly, ask the good doctor why he suggested that the injury may not be from the wreck. I will have to differ with him, as my shoulder was just fine BEFORE it was yanked. I find it amazing that when the MRI was read, the shoulder was torn. After, it was a different story. And lets not forget that a doctor's son ran into me and totalled my car. My shoulder started acting up almost immediately.
Time to piss and moan a bit. There. Done.
Karen has to work tonight for the Giants-Colts game - SUCKS.
The big problem at hand right now is that my gas tank is running low. Personally, of course. The first bill cycle is two weeks away and there's STILL nothing from State Farm. I get the distinct impression that they would rather me get an attorney and go full tilt with my injuries. My back is still turning tricks and my shoulder is unbelievable. I can't sleep on my right arm for the pain. And this here idiot was going to be satisfied with a pre-determined amount that I hold in my head. This amount would take care of it and get SF a signed release. But since adjusting for State Farm has moved backward to the ice age, they don't communicate at all. I'd say it was the old, "Ignore it and it will go away". I will not go away and I don't make idle threats about attorneys. I've tried to be nice, but there is a limit to everything.
No wonder GEICO and Progressive are eating your book of business for lunch and dinner. Let's speculate. Microdiscetomy - 5th lumbar to repair herniation - $50K plus P&S. Right shoulder - rotator cuff/bursa tear - $35K plus P&S. Roll those figures around a bit. Add the diagnostic costs for a couple of MRI's. And if I go to an attorney, which I DON'T want to do, they look to sharkbite you on the ass.
One Hell of a lot more than the, let's say, ten or so thousand that could get you a signed release. Do the math. And by all means, consider that I'd be more than happy to go for an IME. Prove my statements to you. Make cake for you to spend. The impact that your insured driver put on my little car was catastrophic to and for me. Additional expenses. CRAP. And I could just keep going to Ochner and Humana and drag your claim file out for as many years it takes. File suit next year to avoid prescription and cruise until it all gels right. And I TOLD you I was an ex-adjuster. I TOLD you I wanted to take care of this quickly. You probably dumped me to your SIU unit. Check my fraud capacity.
Sooner or later, but I'm not going to continue to goof off with no chance of a reasonable settlement.
To continue to go to the shop and help out while enduring this agonizing pain will only happen for so long.
OH YEAH! Don't forget that you're aggravating the HOLY SHIT out of my Myasthenia Gravis. Again, Google it!
So here it is, going on two weeks since I spoke to the State Farm Claims rep about settling the claim.
Just how long does it take to assemble some medical bills? Two bills from Ocshner and a weeks' worth from the physical therapists. Is that so difficult?
And what will they do when they get them? My biggest question concerns their handling my pain and suffering. Because of the Myasthenia Gravis I cannot do physical therapy. And I will not risk any kind of surgery for risk of infection that could make me severely ill or kill me. My shoulder hurts like Hell and my back is doing a "wait, you'll see". Thats actually when I move or dip the wrong way and it tightens that grip on the L5 disk.
I know that I am getting damn tired of waiting. What in the Hell are their TIP guidlines? How often do they diary? Seems like they are trying to push me to an attorney. Shit!
WILL THEY DO THE RIGHT THING AND BE FAIR WITH A SETTLEMENT OFFER OR WILL THEY MAKE A TOKEN BULLSHIT OFFER THAT WILL PUSH ME TOWARDS LITIGATION?
Who knows? I find it amazing that an adjuster for a major insurer would blow off a claimant that was hit from behind in a case of clear liability. And after calling TEN DAYS ago and requesting they generate a settlement offer, they sit in a puddle and blow fart bubbles. But this could be the regular plan. I'm a claimant, so they owe no duty to me. I've been completely honest with them and let them know that I was a appraiser and adjuster for major companies. Even a field claims supervisor for the 'gecko' and a claims manager for a state based muti line company. Not to mention a multi-line adjuster for an international offshore catering company. Fully licensed to throw the dice.
Now I sit and wait for a HOPS clerk to make up her mind to call me... What a fucking crap shoot!
Polynesian wallpaper made the face stand out, a mixture of Oriental and early vaudeville jazz poofter, forming a hard, beetle-like triangular chin much like a praying mantis. Smoky razor-cut, low on the ear neck profile. The face the color of a nicotine-stained hand. Dark circles collected under the wrinkled, folded eyes, map-like from too much turquoise eyepaint. He showed his old tongue through ill-fitting wooden teeth, stained from too much opium, chipped from the years. The feet, brown wrinkles above straw loafers. A piece of coconut in a pink seashell caught the tongue and knotted into thin white strings. Charcoal grey Eisenhower jacket zipped into a loaded green ascot. A coil of ashes collected on the white-on-yellow dacs.
Four slender bones with rings and nails endured the weight of a hard fast black rubber cigarette holder. I could just make out Ace as he carried the tray and mouthed, "You cheap son of a bitch"
as a straw fell out of a Coke, cartwheeled into the gutter.
So this was a drive-in restaurant in Hollywood,
So this was a drive-in restaurant in Hollywood,
So this was a drive-in restaurant in Hollywood.
Frank Zappa was one of the most incredible musicians that ever lived. Besides being a virtuoso guitarist, he had a positive knack for assembling some of the best bands you "never heard in your life". Bongo Fury was a live show recorded in Austin, TX with fellow offbeat composer, Captain Beefheart. I was fortunate enought to see Mr. Zappa with his full complement at Tulane's McAllister Auditorium. Bruce & Tom Fowler, Napoleon Murphy Brock, Terry Bozzio, & George Duke were among the greatest ensemble bands that Zappa ever brought on the road. He's gone now; one of the great musicians that went before their time. He joins the ranks of Hendrix, Lennon and others who deserved to stay here longer.
The green monster you see above is Maggie the Chameleon Monster. She is mine, but she is a bitch. She's my l'il dinosaur and I love her. Even though she is the most unsociable creature in the world.
Melancholy destroys more lives than you could imagine. It wastes time and production. To be melancholy is to be cursed. WHAT IS THE PURPOSE!?! What does it do for our benefit? Not a God damned thing. To have faith is to follow blindly into the breach of life's cannons. I'm sorry, but I must continue to ask God, "Why?" Why do some get and some do not? Why are some born into it and some not? It has nothing to do with how hard you work or how intricate and tough your job is. Some get it. Some don't. Rule of the galaxy.
I want to cry out, "WHERE IS MINE!?!" but pride prevents that from happening. And we all know that pride comes before a fall. Or do we? I see many, many extremely rich and prideful people who are zipping along on all eight. No problems there. It's a lie.
I spend each twenty four hours as a melancholy human being. I see pain and frustration all around me. Lottery tickets bought and tossed when the hope of a windfall turns into the scorn of another dollar lost to the toilet that it is. Day long sessions with a needle in my arm pushing liquid life to my body. Although nothing happens.
And State Farm is about to piss me off royally.
“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...
...and you finish off as an orgasm.” (We miss you George)
What a great movie! The master of sarcasm, Mel Brooks, made a movie called Blazing Saddles. A soul stirring lesson in how it really used to be for the black man in the American west, it starred Cleavon Little as a black rail worker thrown to his expected "death" as Sheriff Bart; Alcoholic gentle man, Gene Wilder as the Waco Kid, Harvey Korman, Slim Pickens, Madeline Kahn and a host of other actors and actresses dedicated to the irreverence of Mr. Brooks.
The Austinist review seemed to place it's wacky slap to everything decent in the proper perspective...
As a social commentary and loving spoof of 1960's westerns, Blazing Saddles succeeds in not only making fun of itself, but also in making fun of everything and everyone thinkable, which is the true genius of it. No one is spared, thereby creating an air of comfort for all audiences, who can freely chuckle at every slanderous word and political jab, knowing that there is an accompanying wink and smile. Laying the groundwork for the likes of the Farrelly Brothers, the fireside symphony of bean-induced flatulation is enough to make a grown wo/man cry, and that is just one freakin' scene. Now imagine it at the Ritz, with a theater full of (most likely) intoxicated people, with unlimited access to a gigantic cauldron of beans!!!
I was fortunate enough to watch it this past Saturday night on HDNET Movies. In glorious high definition and uncut or censored. AMC does this stupidity; cutting out the word, "nigger" and every other cuss word. Don't they understand that the entire movie depends on Brook's sarcasm and use of racism to make it work? This movie was Mel's masterpiece, although History of the World Part 1 comes in a close second. It must me seen as it was originally made. Get it and watch it. You'll take a different view of racism...
OK! So what has happened since the last entry? First, I want to thank the readers who are following my writings. I appreciate the patronage and invite you to stick around for the ride. I just needed to get my chops back up to speed, today. Here's some quick points of interest...
BLACK SHEEP ARE COOL. Yeah, Baby. You mostly know them as the Kia Hamsters. Watch the above You Tube of the REAL song. Titled, :The Choice Is Yours", it is one of the best songs in Hip Hop history. Listen to it...
CAR WRECKS SUCK. I was sitting in my most beloved 2002 Red Cougar XR, which I loved and cared for like it was a baby koala bear, when this kid slammed into the back of me. No brakes. Probably texting. Knocked the shit out of me. Actually took sitting there for 3-4 minutes before I could figure out what happened. Car is total loss. This has repurcussions that run quite deep. Bank loan, enough after the payoff to get a junkmobile. But daddy's little punkin' goes off all happy after he wrecks his pop's FIVE day old Lexus. I'll bet that ten minute time out he got upon arriving home was ultra nuevo. He gets better and I lose my nice and cool red sports car, Thanks, Junior!
CAR WRECK INJURIES SUCK. Now I have to go to Doctors-Physical Therapists. Like I don't have enough CRAP to deal with with the Myasthenia Gravis.
Blood tests EVERY OTHER WEEK. That hits high on the succubus scale!
Tired. Be back soon. School starts next week. Watch out for the kids. If you're going to jail, watch out for the cornhole. (Thanks, Deidrick)
"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance - that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
Herbert Spencer
FOR MY FRIENDS, THE MEMBERS OF PBJUNKIE.COM - You'll never find a finer person than the paintball players that I know... This was posted on Junkie originally.
OK. I feel like sharing this because I'm tired of walking around with the eye patch and having kids come in the store and staring and all that fucking bullshit. Some of you know already, some don't. Since I spend a lot of time typing and it really is hard to do the same, I'm going to give you guys/gals - Supporting Members - the URL to my private BLOG. It's always been there. Look at the bottom of my signature and click on the BLOG text, right after the text, "You only THOUGHT I was crazy".
Synopsis, I have a weirdo disease called MYASTHENIA GRAVIS. In short, Jerry's Kids have Muscular Dystrophy and it zaps the involuntary muscles. Jester the Kid has MG and it hits the voluntary muscles. Details are in the Blog
Read it if you like. Comment or ask questions, if you like. I'd love for some comments in the blog. I've been writing it since Pierce died and never really let anyone know outright. Read the whole damn thing and you'll want to put a bullet in your skull.
Lost my brother at 32 to adnocarcinoma. Where? Everywhere in his body! I held his hand as he died and felt him leave this earth. Lost my son at 19 to some fucking scum sucking drug dealers/addicts that stole one of my most precious things in life. Now, HE GIVES ME A FUCKING DISEASE THAT MIGHT AS WELL BE CANCER, because it is incurable and you do the same thing as cancer to treat it. I don't think I would be putting myself in danger if I said that God was one big asshole! And don't give me any bullshit about it. I'm Catholic and still believe in Christanity. But something just doesn't click. WTF did my kid do to die as he did? OH, he got drunk at Mardi Gras and took some fucks word of "Oh, it's only coke. Try some." Oh, it's only DEATH and they let him lie on the bathroom floor as his lungs filled with fluid... They didn't call 911 because THEY MIGHT GET IN TROUBLE! They let him die and I couldn't do anything...
Now I'm stuck with this crap... BTW, chemo sucks, too...
Anyway, here's the link. Little Lambs Eat Ivy... Or, click the link below my signature. It's raw and uncensored. Just like most of us Junkies. Have fun...
Ok, so I just opened up my little blog to the entire world. Before, there really was no interest in what I was writing. There's probably not much more now. So here's the keyway to find out about my life. I have written some things about all the bad stuff. But there HAS been SOME good.
Karen and our family. Kids and pets are always good for a laugh!
My biological family (1 - Sounds so cold... er) Mom & Dad and Matt/Brigitte
Family 2 - My son John/Allison and daughter Lirette and grandson Taylor
Family 3 - The Woodys, Mairi and the Lovill family
PAINTBALL A - Gunfighter Paintball in toto
My writing & photography skills
PAINTBALL B - PBJ - MPP - BCP
So I start with a good note. Don't worry, though. it will turn...
This is the place where I give you so much information. Its also a way to allow me to spit out all of the crazy crap that builds up in my head.
Today, we're going to go into detail concerning IMURON; I'm taking Imuron, or by its generic name - Azathioprene. And here's what old Wiki has to say.
THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF LEMONY FRESH
"Immediate or Short-term Side-effects"
Side-effects are uncommon, but include nausea, fatigue, hair loss, and rash. Because azathioprine suppresses the bone marrow, patients will be more susceptible to infection. Caution should be exercised when it is used in conjunction with purine analogues such as allopurinol. The enzyme thiopurine S-methyltransferase (TPMT) deactivates 6-mercaptopurine. Genetic polymorphisms of TPMT can lead to excessive drug toxicity, thus assay of serum TPMT may be useful to prevent this complication.[1] Despite being 15 times more expensive[2], Mycophenolate mofetil is increasingly being used in place of azathioprine in organ transplantation, as it is associated with less bone marrow suppression, fewer opportunistic infections, and a lower incidence of acute rejection.[3] However azathioprine certainly still has a major role.
"Long Term Side Effects"
It is listed as a human carcinogen in the 11th Report on Carcinogens of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, although they note that the International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) considered some of the animal studies to be inconclusive because of limitations in the study design and inadequate reporting.[4] The risks involved seem to be related both to the duration and to the dosage used. People that have previously been treated with an alkylating agent may have an excessive risk of cancers if treated with azathioprine. Epidemiological studies have provided "sufficient" evidence of Azathioprine carcinogenicity in humans,[5] although the methodology of past studies and the possible underlying mechanisms are questioned.[6] The various diseases requiring transplantation, and thus azathioprine, may in themselves increase the risks of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, squamous cell carcinomas of the skin, hepatobiliary carcinomas and mesenchymal tumours to which azathioprine may add additional risks. Those receiving azathioprine for rheumatoid arthritis may have a lesser risk than those following transplantation.
Thank you Wiki! Lots of info! Skull & Crossbones on the bottle?
THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF NIPPLE CLAMPS
Here's some surprise info from he drug manufacturers brochure...
Imuran and the sun...
While taking Imuran you may be more likely to develop some types of cancers such as skin cancer. Some people also become sensitive to sunlight which can cause skin discolouration or a rash. Take care to avoid too much sun, cover up and use sunscreen.
Like all medicines, Imuran can cause effects, although not everybody gets them. The following side effects may happen with this medicine: ( ED NOTE: List is repetetive and confusing: I know - But it is taken as found.)
Stop taking Imuran and see a doctor sraight away, if you notice any of the
following serious side effects, you may need urgent medical treatment:
• allergic reaction, the signs may nclude:
- general tiredness, dizziness, feeling sick (nausea), being sick (vomiting) or diarrhea
- high temperature (fever), shivering chills
- redness of the skin or a skin rash
- pain in the muscles or joints
- changes in the amount and colour of the urine (kidney problems)
- dizziness, confusion, feeling light headed or weak, caused by low blood pressure
• you bruise more easily or notice any unusual bleeding
• you have a high temperature (fever) or other signs of an infection
• you feel extremely tired
• you notice lumps anywhere on your body
• you notice any changes to your skin, for example blisters or peeling
• your health suddenly gets worse
• you come into contact with anyone who is suffering from chicken pox or shingles.
If you notice any of the above, stop taking Imuran and see a doctor straight away.
Other side effects include:
-Very common (affects more than 1 in 10 people)
• infections caused by a virus, fungus or bacteria
• reduction in your bone marrow function, which may make you feel unwell or show up in your blood tests
• low white blood cell level in your blood tests, which may cause an infection.
-Common (affects less than 1 in 10 people)
• low blood platelet level, which may cause you to bruise or bleed easily.
-Uncommon (affects less than 1 in 100 people)
• low red blood cell level, which may cause you to be tired, get headaches, be short of breath when exercising, feel dizzy and look pale
• inflammation of the pancreas, which may cause you severe upper stomach pain, with feeling sick (nausea) and being sick (vomiting)
• liver problems, which may cause pale stools, dark urine, itchiness and yellowing of your skin and eyes.
-Rare (affects less than 1 in 1,000 people)
• problems with your blood and bone marrow which may cause weakness, tiredness, paleness, headaches, sore tongue, breathlessness, bruising or infections
• problems with your bowel leading to diarrhea, abdominal pain,constipation, feeling sick (nausea) and
being sick (vomiting)
• hair loss, which may get better, even though you continue to take Imuran
• severe liver damage which can be life threatening
• various types of cancers including blood, lymph and skin cancers
• sensitivity to sunlight which can cause skin discolouration or a rash.
-Very rare (affects less than 1 in 10,000 people. The following side effects
may happen with this medicine:
(Stop taking Imuran and see a doctor straight away, if you notice any of the
following serious side effects, you may need urgent medical treatment:)
• allergic reaction, the signs may include:
general tiredness, dizziness, feeling sick (nausea), being sick (vomiting) or diarrhea
high temperature (fever), shivering or chills
redness of the skin or a skin rash
pain in the muscles or joints
changes in the amount and colour of the urine (kidney problems)
dizziness, confusion, feeling light headed or weak, caused by low blood pressure
you bruise more easily or notice any unusual bleeding
you have a high temperature (fever) or other signs of an infection
you feel extremely tired
you notice lumps anywhere on your body
you notice any changes to your skin, for example, blisters or peeling
your health suddenly gets worse
you come into contact with anyone who is suffering from chickenpox or shingles.
If you notice any of the above, stop taking Imuran and see a doctor straight away.
Other side effects include:
- Very common (affects more than 1 in 10 people)
• infections caused by a virus, fungus or bacteria
• reduction in your bone marrow function, which may make you feel unwell or show up in your blood tests
• low white blood cell level in your blood tests, which may cause an infection.
- Common (affects less than 1 in 10 people)
• low blood platelet level, which may cause you to bruise or bleed easily.
- Uncommon (affects less than 1 in 100 people)
• low red blood cell level, which may cause you to be tired, get headaches,be short of breath when exercising, feel dizzy and look pale
• inflammation of the pancreas, which may cause you severe upper stomach pain, with feeling sick (nausea) and being sick (vomiting)
• liver problems, which may cause pale stools, dark urine, itchiness and yellowing of your skin and eyes.
- Rare (affects less than 1 in 1,000 people)
• problems with your blood and bone marrow which may cause weakness, tiredness, paleness, headaches, sore tongue, breathlessness, bruising or infections
• problems with your bowel leading to diarrhea, abdominal pain, constipation, feeling sick (nausea) and
being sick (vomiting)
• hair loss which may get better even though you continue to take Imuran
• severe liver damage which can be life threatening
• various types of cancers including blood, lymph and skin cancers
• sensitivity to sunlight which can cause skin discolouration or a rash. (AHA! Again!)
- Very rare (affects less than 1 in 10,000 people
- TBD
Basic comments from the man in the pillory - Any simple idiot can see that this shit is some big time dangerous stuff. It's almost as dangerous as me banging on a keyboard. Bottom line is that this barely heard of disease is not stopping to scratch an itch and not giving me a break. I have a decison to make. grow a pair and take the chances that I have to take and put my life in the hands of the only medical professional I have ever trusted as I jump on the skateboard of life and head for the jump. I just hate throwing up...
Crossing that bridge, with lessons I've learned. Playing with fire, and not getting burned. I may not know what you're going through. but time is the space, Between me and you. life carries on... it goes on.
Just say die,
and that would be pessimistic.
In your mind,
we can walk across the water.
Please don't cry,
It's just a prayer for the dying.
I just don't know what's got into me.
Been crossin' that bridge,
with lessons I've learned.
Playing with fire,
and not getting burned.
I may not know what you're going through,
but time is the space,
between me and you.
There is a light through that window,
hold on say yes, while people say no.
Life carries on, Ohh!
It goes on....oh-ee-oh, whoa-ee-oh ho oh...
I'm crossing that bridge, with lessons I've learned....
I'm playing with fire,
and not getting burned....
I may not know what you're going through.
but time is the space,
between me and you.
There is a light through that window,
hold on say yes, while people say no
'Cause life carries on....oh-ee-oh, whoa-ee-oh ho on...
It goes on....oh-ee-on,
It goes on.
Whoah.
Whoah.
Life carries on.
When nothing else matters.
When nothing else matters.
I just don't know what's got into me.
It's just a prayer for the dying.
For the dying.
From the great singer Seal, "A Prayer for the Dying". And NO, I'm not dying. I'm not really doing worth a fuck, but I don't think I'm dying, at least I'm reasonably sure!
But first here, you nust realize how hard it is to type and text. It is next to impossible. Yeah, you see nice clear sleek type here, but it is all the work of a stumble fuck! Believe me. So I'm done with typing. Read the lyrics. They'll touch your soul...
Jester
Annie-Mae, I hope you're doing great! Goodnight Mrs. Calabash, whereva you are! And maybe I'll try some more of this tomorrow! Thank you to every prayer giver and well wisher!
Hello, gentle reader. Well, the best is yet to come. I'm taking an oral chemotherapy drug, now. It's called Imuran. Presently, it is busy as a bee, annihilating those bad little antibodies that are blocking my "receptors". Then comes Thursday and Friday of which I am steadily growing more and more terrified of. "Why?" you ask? Wellll, why didn't you say so? That's a horse of a different color."
I'm going for a procedure called IVIG. It stands for intravenous immunoglobulin. You sit in a comfortable chair and they stick a needle in your arm and then INFUSE alot of this stuff. It's supposed to be governed by body weight. 1 GR/1 KG of body weight. Since I have bucked up to 195 lbs, i'll be getting roughly (2 x)90 grams of this stuff. Two days of it, and it takes seven to eight hours to do. And while it doesn't seem to fall in the chemo category, it might as well. Some of the reading I've done suggest those kind of after-effects. So theres what I have to look forward to. Fever, chills, vomiting, diarrhea... The Four Horsemen of the Jesters Apocalypse. But there IS a chance I won't have them. "I will pick not, George." "Ahhhhhh, Shaddup!"
SO, new doctor yesterday. If all doctors had the attitude and personality of this doctor, no one would ever leave a phsyicians office feel like they's been beaten with a salami. I guess that my last post got to the Big Guy and he gave me a little break. I know that I got a certain twisted satisfaction from calling and cancelling my appointment with Dr. (Up in his) Hightower. So here is some celebration music. Steve Allen shuts up at about a minute in if you want to go straight to the tune...
Thanks, Dr. Fischer, for making me feel like a person again... I'm going to add to this. Later...
Born in the year 1956, I suffered from none of the maladies that kids and parents had to worry about. Polio, anti-biotic teeth destruction and more. Hell, I didn't even get the Chicken Pox. I was a little monster, though. Always getting in trouble for something or another. And I always got my ass tanned. And most of them were repeat offenses. Taking off for hours at a time without letting my folks know; Smoking cigarettes; swiping change, especially taking the valuable silver dollars that I had no idea were as valuable as they really were. I was happy because I could get the entire HUGE box of "Ugly Stickers" stickers and gum for the incredible amount of five bucks! Yeah, I was a little shit. My ass was intimate friends with yardsticks, fly swatters, leather belts and crystal plastic hair brushes. And let's not forget Maw-Maw's bedroom slippers - pick a foot, that would slap you faster than a light sabre from Star Wars.
So what does that have to do with what's going on? I guess I'm saying that payback is a mutha'! Here I am, everything going along really well. GFPB holding it's own; Doing some writing and feeling ok. Johnny and Allison get married in a wonderful ceremony. We got Karen a really nice car. In the meantime, this insidious disease called Myesthenia Gravis is creeping up my back. It hits me in the eyes first - from double double vision vision to droopy eyelid that makes me look like Jo-Jo the Gimp. People look at me like I'm a clinical tard and they look fucking scared. Jesus, it's only a goddamn eye! But not to me. It is everything. So I wear my patch and contact lenses. I wear reading glasses because the contacts reading section is too weak. It will fix.
But lets not forget the rest of it. Before I leave my eyes... Yesterday I noticed a big, red floater in my right eye. Normally black, this thing looks like blood in my eye field. Yippe-kiyay Muddafucka!
Before the paintball game three weeks ago, I was confined to ocular symptoms. Now the physical crap is starting to cook. Weakness; extreme sensitivity to heat; stomach a-go-go from the meds that aren't working. Extremely tired, but unable to sleep. Sore jaw muscles and joints. Sore throat ALL the time and a challenge to beat the band when it comes time to swallowing. Leg cramps and midnight dances to get rid of the spasms. It's a veritable cornucopia of fun in the sun.
I'm pissed. I hate this shit. It's karma. I know. But it's not so instant... It's taking over slowly. My attitude is in the toilet. I feel like shit ALL THE TIME! Weight gain - 10 lbs in three weeks. My big question is, "Since you're taking meds that give you the shits all the time, how in Jehosephat's garter belt can you GAIN weight?" Another amusing trick from the guy upstairs. Thanks! Hope you enjoyed your laugh! You can fucking quit it now!
AND ABOVE ALL, SUPER SELF IMPORTANT OCHSNER AND SEARS EYE DOCTORS!
KISS MY ASS! WHO THE HELL HAS HOURS FROM 11-2:30, T-TH!?!
HEARTLESS SELFISH SENSELESS BASTARDS!
I HOPE YOU DIE OF THE WORST DISEASE THAT ONE OF YOUR PATIENTS HAS.
TOO DAMN GOOD TO SPEND FIVE MINUTES ON THE PHONE WITH A LONG TIME PATIENT THAT IS SCARED TO DEATH OVER SOMETHING THAT IS HAPPENING TO HIM.
DON'T BOTHER THOUGH. LET YOUR HALLWAY ASSISTANT BLURT OUT BLAH-BLAH-BLATHER TRYING TO MAKE EXCUSES AS TO WHY YOU ARE SUCH A JERKOFF! ACT ALL PALLY-FRIEND WHEN PASSING IN THE HALL THEN "WOW, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU." (suprised Seth Rogan face)
FUCK ALL OF YOU!
ALL DOCTORS SHOULD TAKE THIS ONE NOTE TO HEART;
DUMBASS, YOUR PATIENTS ARE, in most cases, SCARED AND KNOW NOTHING LIKE YOU DO ABOUT THE FIELD THAT YOU ARE IN. YET YOU STRUT ABOUT, SELF IMPORTANT IN YOUR LAB COAT AND LAPTOP. PUT YOURSELF IN YOUR PATIENTS SHOES. THEY ARE TERRIFIED AND ARE DEPENDING ON HELP FROM YOU. AND WHEN YOU CAN'T TAKE FIVE FUCKING MINUTES TO TALK TO THEM AND SOOTHE THEIR FEARS THEN YOU ARE NOT WORTH THE PAPER YOUR GOD DAMN LICENSE IS STAMPED ON! HIPOCRATES!?! HELL NO! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A STINKING HIPPOCRITE!
I swear by Apollo the Physician and Asclepius and Hygieia and Panaceia and all the gods, and goddesses, making them my witnesses, that I will fulfill according to my ability and judgment this oath and this covenant:
To hold him who has taught me this art as equal to my parents and to live my life in partnership with him, and if he is in need of money to give him a share of mine, and to regard his offspring as equal to my brothers in male lineage and to teach them this art–if they desire to learn it–without fee and covenant; to give a share of precepts and oral instruction and all the other learning to my sons and to the sons of him who has instructed me and to pupils who have signed the covenant and have taken the oath according to medical law, but to no one else.
I will apply dietic measures for the benefit of the sick according to my ability and judgment; I will keep them from harm and injustice.
I will neither give a deadly drug to anybody if asked for it, nor will I make a suggestion to this effect. Similarly I will not give to a woman an abortive remedy. In purity and holiness I will guard my life and my art.
I will not use the knife, not even on sufferers from stone, but will withdraw in favor of such men as are engaged in this work.
Whatever houses I may visit, I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons, be they free or slaves.
What I may see or hear in the course of treatment or even outside of the treatment in regard to the life of men, which on no account one must spread abroad, I will keep myself holding such things shameful to be spoken about.
If I fulfill this oath and do not violate it, may it be granted to me to enjoy life and art, being honored with fame among all men for all time to come; if I transgress it and swear falsely, may the opposite of all this be my lot.
SO, I call the Eye Doctor-Wizard's office on the Shore of the North roun' Covington Glade.
I use the number to contact her that is printed on the card of her practice. As the number is for her hut of the 985, this is the one that I give communication. Speaking to the Sprite who assists my Wizard, I give detailed words describing my malady. Amidst "oooh"s and "ahhh"s, the Sprite was very sympathetic and assured me that the Wizard would get the message.
The following morn, after hearing naught from the Wizard, I called again to the hut of the 985. Except this time I was greeted by a Troll who could only tell me that the Wizard came only twice a month; (Poor Wizard!); She would give me the number of the hut of the 504 and I was to display my problems to her there. I did not take the number because my marrow had been piffed!
The wizards card gave a 985 hut; NOT a 504 hut. Should she have wanted me to contact the 504 hut, she would have given the 504 hut number. METHINKS, that this be the recepTroll's attempt to bosh off some of it's responsibility. Right.
Tuesday, next, canna come to quickly for my sake.
The Doctor/Wizard is aloft in her castle in the clouds. What she does up there, none but her minions know. But it is my task only to wait for her to return to her 985 hut. There, I shall pounce upon the words of the recepTroll and dash them to the stones as the falsehoods that they are. We shall see...
In the meantime, the Sprites plan their revenge! HA! The secret of
the PRISM is revealed! Had I worn it any longer, my teeth would have begun to turn into "regular startlers" Oh my Lord!
Well, Johnny went on his first ride last night. 7 to 7 shift - night watch. Before I passed out in a fit of double vision, I said a prayer to God that he protect and watch obver my son; And that he brings comfort to Allison as she tries to sleep on his first night out.
Now, I am becoming more and more disgusted with my eyesight. Never ever will I take for granted the sight that God gave me. Never will I look with pity at a sightless person. Just the inconvenience of double vision that cruelly stuck a knife in me by playing it's game. Stop taking the medicine that obviously messes up the vison and it gives me two days of inprovement. This, naturally, allows me to gloat and think that I've got it beat! No. No. No. IT RETURNS! Even my pupils are CROOKED! Bastards! Cheats! Me = ANGRY - PISSED - CONFUSED - FRUSTRATED! And everyone around me has to be sick and fucking tired of my consistent whining and crying over what the Hell is hapening. SO, Idiot boy will go to Ochsner on Monday morning and get the damn blood test and listen to the doctor and see what the Hell happens. I can only say that my behavior up to this point can only earn that famous retort and tongue lashing from that world famous bunny...
