Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree...

...with anyone else but me.

New Day! New Look! No more lower case all the time. New outlook. Sunday was Pierce's Birthday. He would have been twenty years old. Karen & I went out to Audubon Park. The "Fly" is a section of the park that runs along the Mississippi River. When I was a teenager, we used to listen to bands play and drink wine on Sundays. Of course, that was in 1975. A great deal has changes since then. The roadway enters the area, runs along the river and ends up coming out near where Tchoupitoulas St. would go through the park if it did. Coming into the area, you cross a set of rails, a you do going out. Following the road a bit further, you see the giraffe enclosure marked by green wooden, then chain-link fence with green slats. Just past that fence you see a huge old majestic oak tree on the left that is aptly named, "The Tree of Life". Standing at the roadway and looking directly through the oak at the interior corner of the giraffe fence, is Pierce's tree.

It's a small, but healthy live oak tree that stands about as tall as I do. Walking up to it held mixed emotions for Karen and I both. We both shed tears as we thought of the symbolism the little tree held. Since we have no permanent grave or tombstone to come to when thinking of his final resting place, this was apropos for my dear boy. We had gotten some plastic colored bells on gold tone chains, a small angel that said something about earning his wings, a birthday balloon & a small card. We took our time and strung the bells, all the while feeling brighter as we worked. I had a ball chain on my LSU coin holder that I used to secure the little angel on the tree. Karen placed the ballon in the support stick while I wrote on and attached the card. My only prayer being that he is somewhere that he feels no pain and can be happy...

Take care, our angel... wherever you may be. Our hearts are with you and we love you very much.

"happy birthday to you" is an empty phrase...

sunday will bring your twentieth birthday, mr. pierce. i've placed a memorial in the times-picayune with a photo of you giving me your, "i'm about to do something goofy, dad", look. i took it at the Ben Franklin graduation ceremony. it seems like it was just last week that you donned your green cap & gown and ascended the stairs to receive the diploma that you worked so hard to earn.

i hope you can see what i put in the paper. i hope you can see that we love you and miss you terribly. i miss you constantly. i handle it as i can, best i can. every one of us deals with it in our own way. i suck at dealing with it. everything around me reminds me of you. the last scenario game was completely screwed up for me because at every juncture i was turning for you, going to ask if you had done something, ran a prop, calmed a situation. but i found nothing at all. nothing but your memory and my enduring, pain. i still find myself crying every day, at least once.

i SCREAM inside that I miss you! i ask if the hurt will ever end. i pray to a God who does not seem to listen to my pleas to make this all just a nightmare that i will surely wake from soon. no. no waking. cruelty from the void. i miss you, little boy. your tiny cartoon voice that endeared my heart to you forever. the bond with your brother that you gave back to me that had all but vanished in the wind. your willingness to be silly; your recklessness to a fault; the adrenaline tells me that it is stone cold and starkly true. you rest somewhere unkown to me and all the others who love you. will we ever see you again?

what's left to say? questions? anger? rage? again, that it hurts? that i long to see the shit pile that sold you your demise get what he deserves - go to prison and have another inmate with an ax to grind, slit him from asshole to earlobe while raping him in the shower? that i hope he watches his own blood flow down the shower drain along with the life from his fragile body? that he deserves no less than what he gave you? how could you think you were invincible? how could you deprive everyone who loved you so much and wanted so much for you? that same success for your self? how can i wish such pain on someone else, especially his parents?

Pierce, i will never recover from your loss... ever. so i wish you happy birthday for Sunday. never again can i celebrate the sobriety that you and your brother were so instrumental in helping me achieve on the day after your second birthday. but i can assure you it is still there... eighteen years, my son. i love you more than you will ever imagine. i hope you can celebrate on Sunday. i think karen and i are going to try and meet you at your tree. help me find it... dad

GFG "Meet the Jones" 2006
Assisting on the Dr. Yak Show "taping"